Have you ever fantasized about being restrained by your partner? Getting your booty spanked or your hair pulled? Maybe teased with women’s sex toys? Haven’t we all? It’s completely natural, but BDSM sex includes so much more than that, and it goes without saying that it requires two willing partners and stellar communication between them.
BDSM sex is very different than vanilla sex, but it’s extremely exciting for people daring enough to try it. For some, it’s a lifestyle. For others, it’s just a way to spice up their sex life. But in the end, it’s a whole lot of fun – for everyone!
Your curiosity got you here, and I’m guessing it’s because you don’t know where to start.
Fear not: Lady Devine is here to help you out with this very comprehensive intro to BDSM, and tips on how to do it right!
Intro to BDSM
I can’t begin this intro without first defining what BDSM actually is, because if your reference is 50 Shades of Grey, you may have a problem without even knowing about it. Forget about all the shades of grey and let’s go into what BDSM can really do for your sex life.
BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline, and Sadism and Masochism. You may see this as Submissive and Dominant somewhere too. A person can be interested in one or more categories but in general, BDSM is an umbrella term consisting of various methods and practices.
Important: BDSM refers to a consensual power play that may or may not involve sex or women’s sex toys! Nothing is fixed, nothing is mandatory, everything is consensual. In fact, BDSM is mostly about bodily experience and sensations rather than just about the sex act. Not only that, but there’s evidence of pain being used as a sexual stimulant in Ancient Greece and Rome – so it’s nothing new or revolutionary, humans have enjoyed BDSM for millenia!
Despite how BDSM might look or sound to people, it is not a deviant’s pleasure tool, nor is there anything wrong with people who like to practice it – as long as it’s consensual! Psychologically speaking, there are no differences between a person who prefers BDSM sex and another who prefers vanilla sex. So, no – BDSM is not about perversion!
Now that we covered the basics of BDSM, let me give you the intro to BDSM – the right way!
Communication is Key
Always talk to your partner openly about sex, and BDSM requires an extra effort in communication before indulging in it. First, of course, comes the consent of both partners. Then you have to set the rules and boundaries that clearly state your absolute no-no’s. One person’s turn-on can be a major buzzkill for another, so try to stay on the same page, and be prepared to compromise!
A good and common practice is to pick out a safe word; a word that’s going to put a stop to the whole thing in case you get uncomfortable. The safe word is usually something random like ‘submarine’ or ‘pineapple’. In case your brain gets a bit overwhelmed and you can’t remember the word, a simple ‘no’ or ‘stop’ will do.
Be aware: you can always say no! BDSM sex is based on mutual agreement and consent, so don’t feel pressured into doing something you’re not comfortable with!
Determine Your Role
Whether you’re interested in the BDSM lifestyle or just want to spice up your sex life with a bit of kink, you should determine your position. As this is your intro to BDSM, I presume you haven’t decided on your role yet.
Think about what really turns you on.
Would you like to dominate your partner? Would you rather submit to them and relinquish control? Or maybe you enjoy both and would go either way? It’s all about your personal preference, so determine your role and communicate it with your partner freely. That way, you both know what turns you on and what doesn’t, which sets a base for a wild, yet comfortable session!
Research
Again, if Christian Grey was your teacher on all matters BDSM, please unlearn everything and consult reliable sources and materials. Not to disprove the book – which has spiked the interest in kink – it’s still a work of fiction and it does not represent the dynamic a BDSM relationship should have.
So research, research, and guess what? Research some more! At first, you’ll be like a kid in a candy store, overwhelmed with the possibilities and not knowing what to choose! But that’s why you need to be careful in your research so that you don’t fall down the rabbit hole and end up thinking anything can be acceptable, due to the sheer variety of kinks out there!
Going into BDSM uneducated could potentially leave you or your partner seriously injured. You have to know the very basics before moving on to more advanced devices or positions!
Take it Slow and Have Fun
Once you understand the basics of BDSM and what you like, you shouldn’t jump into it headfirst. Let’s leave the hardcore needle play and hot wax for when you get comfortable with the basics first.
Take it slow and don’t forget to have fun! Maybe start off slow with a buttplug, or some light spanking and hair-pulling. Spice up your sex life with a little bondage with scarfs or any type of cloth that could do the same job. Introduce ‘Sir’ or ‘Madam’ as a simple way to kickstart your dom/sub relationship. Instead of buying expensive BDSM sex equipment, perhaps you could try using a thin belt or a paddle, with extreme caution of course.
Bottom Line
The bottom line is that kinks are nothing to be ashamed of and you should, by all means, explore and pursue your curiosities with care. BDSM sex is an overall heavenly bodily experience if done right, but can overload your sensors if done wrong.
I remember the first time I felt the leather whip handle firmly gripped in my hand, with a snivelling little slave begging to be whipped, on his knees in front of me… Oh lord, just describing it gets me excited!
Anyway, this intro to BDSM will be just what you need to take your baby steps and give in to your curiosity. Remember to take it slow, have fun, integrate some women’s sex toys, and always be mindful of your partner’s and your own limits.
Those are the ropes – now go and make your own knots!
Stay curious.
Stay daring.
Stay Devine!
