Let’s be honest, you don’t forget the first person who tied a blindfold around your eyes and cuffed you to the edge of the bed.
When women’s sex toys pop up in discussions, some people consider them strictly for solo activities. After all, the market is filled with all kinds of dildos and vibrators ‘ribbed for her pleasure’.
Not to be unfair to my current sex toys, because they do me a world of good when I need some self-love, but using them together with a partner in the bedroom gives a hell of a kick.
Unfortunately, there’s a ton of cultural stigma when it comes to introducing any kind of ‘assistance’ in the bedroom. Men’s egos tend to get bruised at the thought of their woman needing a toy to get off when they’re right there.
Once upon a time, I was against the idea of bringing in anything to ‘aid’ my sexual experience too. I saw toys as simple accessories, something porn stars needed to get off, something that only loveless couples used to experience an actual sex life.
Overcoming your own ego is the first step towards liberated sexuality, but it can be difficult.
For a lot of women – the majority of us in fact – clitoral attention is simply a necessity, but it’s impossible to stimulate it with some positions. Sometimes, when our partners locate the right spot, it’s hard to reach down and give our nub the attention it needs – and when you’re dripping, you can be sure it needs plenty.
This is where sex with sex toys comes in.
You know that little spot on the neck, or the one on the inner thigh, that drives you insane any time it gets kissed, or even touched? Well, there are all kinds of spots between our legs that respond beautifully to vibrating, touching or rubbing stimuli.
The old saying is correct – if you never try it, you’ll never know –and in my opinion, it’s most appropriate when it comes to sexy times with sexy toys.
Pressure is off, for everybody
Regardless of how comfortable you are in your relationship, making someone orgasm can be difficult, especially if you’ve got a special spot that only you know how to reach.
So, instead of wasting lots of valuable sexy time explaining where exactly that little spot is, you can just grab the nearest bullet vibrator and make it work while your partner focuses on other ways to pleasure you.
Besides, once that pressure is off, the door opens to all kinds of multi-gasm opportunities that are not only easier to reach, but come more often.
I remember the first time I suggested using a vibrator during sex to my first boyfriend. It was met with reluctance at first, with the usual skepticism that comes with telling a man that his member may not be the only thing that can get you off entirely.
Thankfully, he was open-minded, and one night, I took my trusty bullet vibrator into the bedroom with us – and well, let’s just say I needed multiple showers after that encounter.
In the following week, both of us found ourselves in a sex shop, looking at all kinds of gadgets that could fulfill our fantasies.
I learned a couple of things after this too. Using toys has the unintentional benefit of giving couples the chance to explore other sexual positions, which in turn provides for a lot more creativity. Also, make sure to think of the material when buying anything.
Ever wanted to fulfill your naughty teacher fantasy? Well, now you’ve got a whip and a vibrator for detention. What about roleplaying a doctor’s visit? Your partner has a plethora of instruments to ‘check you’ with.
Women’s sex toys open up a whole new world of sexual adventures – and it’s a pity not to use it.
Sex with sex toys is just better sex
Not from just a physical standpoint, but emotionally it brings you and your partner to a whole new level. I don’t think I’ve ever not used sex toys with any of my partners since the first time I brought that bullet into the bedroom.
See, the addition of one little toy can give you a lot of insight into what your partner likes. The more you learn about each other, the stronger your bond gets – romantically, sexually, and emotionally – which in turn makes for a very happy relationship.
To give you some ideas, try bringing a remote-controlled dildo on one of your dates. That way, you can have a good conversation, good food, and really good vibes even before you’ve paid the bill – and learned what they have in their pants.
Maybe try leaving your butt plug in while you’re visiting some friends. If you needed some spicing up before the visit to the forbidden fruit, this may just tickle your partner’s fancy.
Sex with sex toys brings a completely new dynamic experience for you and your partner. No matter how hot you think your sex life is, there’s always room for improvement – and dildos.
Free the kink
Thanks to our usually-mediocre previous experiences, terrible sex education, and our culture of shame when it comes to the smallest of kinks, sometimes we feel vulnerable in sharing our interest in having sex with sex toys with our partners.
The bottom line is, no matter how many times you orgasm from a vibrator, it’s never going to be a replacement for the person that makes you happy.
It’s kind of like watching your favorite TV show on loop for years. While it’s comforting watching Joey say ‘How you doin’?’ for the eighteenth time in Friends, it can’t be the only TV show worth watching, and it gets a little dull after a while.
Better to pick a new category every once in a while, to spice things up.
At the end of the day, what do you really want?
A rigid routine that has worked for ages but is slowly losing its charm?
Or unlocking that special chest of women’s sex toys to bring back the excitement to your love life?
I’d go for the latter.